When I tell people how long I have been sober for, they usually say something like “congratulations! What an amazing accomplishment.”
It always makes me laugh.
I didn’t get sober because I wanted to achieve something. I got sober because I was out of options. I was desperate. I was in so much pain. I didn’t want to live anymore. I was going to die.
Now I am free.
I am sitting at my kitchen counter. I am looking at Juliana. She’s so beautiful. I honestly can’t believe she dates me. She wants to marry me. ME!?
How did I get here?
This weekend, we bought and hung the prettiest curtains that overlay our big beautiful windows. These windows fill our home with sunlight and warmth.
Every day I get to wake up and do work that I love. I fucking love what I do! I love building brands and spreading ideas. I can’t believe I get paid to do this.
Some days I feel happy. Some days I feel sad. Some days I feel overwhelmed and anxious, just like anyone else.
But it doesn’t matter, because I can do anything.
Addiction taught me everything there is to know about pain. There is no pain greater the self inflicted pain. You can’t ever escape yourself. You take yourself everywhere you go. You’re trapped. You find ways to release the pressure, but it’s always temporary relief.
Sobriety taught me everything there is to know about patience. Because the only way to be sober for 9 years, is to be sober for 9 years. There will never be a way around that. There will never be a short cut or a way around the work. It takes a day to get a day. Time takes time.
I take these lessons with me everywhere I go. Every day, my goal is to make it till midnight. All I have to do is get through the day, then when midnight gets here, I’ll make it through the next day.
But not yet, because I am still right here. I am still in this moment. Midnight isn’t here yet.
Sobriety taught me about people. I learned that there are people out there who will help me without expectation and without asking for anything in return. I learned how to trust people. I learned how to let my guard down. I learned that it requires strength to be vulnerable. It takes vulnerability to build strength.
I learned that what we give is how we will be judged by the forces that be. Nothing will have an impact more than giving your time. Service is the currency of the gods. Give and give to receive.
I owe everything to my recovery. I owe everything to the men and women who loved me when I was unable to love myself.
How did I get here?
I got here by listening to other people. I got here by working harder than I needed to. I got here by trusting in the process and by believing in things that I couldn’t see or touch. I got here by believing in things that haven’t happened yet.
That’s what faith is. That’s all it is.
Listen to me!
You can trust me, because I have been there. I have been to the bottom of the bottom, I have seen the lowest of the lows. If I can do it, anyone can do it.
But you can’t do it alone. No one can. You need people to show you the way.
If you need help, I will help you.
I will always help. No matter what.
So keep going. Keep waking up. Keep putting your shoes on. Keep making it till midnight.
One day, sooner then you realize, you will wake up and you will feel happy. You will feel gods grace. You will stop what you’re doing and ask yourself how you got here.
And then you’ll help someone else.
Because that’s how it works. That’s how we get to where we’re going.
Today I have 9 years sober. I am so fucking grateful. I don’t deserve it, but I promise on everything I have that I will not waste this gift I have received.