14 more days until my surgery. At first, I was really dreading it, now I can’t wait for it.
I’ve never felt constant pain like this before. I know my sister is sick of me calling her all the time to tell her how bad I’m hurting. The thing is, it’s all I can think about. I always thought I was tough until this last month or so. It hurts like a mother fucker.
I was walking Alice today, and I was thinking about what life must have been like for people 100 years ago. How many people had pinched nerves or broken wrists or caught the flu and there wasn’t shit they could do about it?
How lucky am I to be alive in a time where I have a way to get help? It made me stop to take a moment to count all the blessings in my life. So I thought I would list them out for everyone this morning.
I’m Still Sober – Almost 10 years. About once a week, usually if I’m driving, I stop and think to myself how lucky I was to find the help that I did. I think I’ll always feel weird talking about it. I feel like I’m preaching or something. But there’s no doubt, everything I have in my life I have because I’m sober. I thank God every night for another day.
My Wife – I can’t believe I’m married. I legit married my dream girl. I’m very proud of Jules. She has been working really hard to better herself recently. It inspires me to not sulk or feel sorry for myself in the mornings when my pain is at a 10. I’m really grateful for her.
My Family – I am a part of a clan. I tried to warn my wife. I told her what happens when her last name is Stoddart. Everyone knows your business, everyone talks in circles and gabs about everyone else. They all meet up on the weekends and get into political rants about Trump. But when you’re a Stoddart, you’re a part of something. No one fucks with you because there’s a small army behind you. I’m so proud and honored and grateful to be a Stoddart.
My mom and I have been talking a lot more. I made a commitment to reach out to my mother more often. It’s been nice to talk and listen. She’s the most beautiful soul. Love her. I’m grateful for her more than she’ll ever know.
My Friends – It’s funny. All of us have moved all over the country and yet we are all still each other’s best friends.
- My sister
I’m so lucky to have these people in my life. I love these people. I moved to Nashville hoping to make new friends and I just ended up getting even closer with these guys. We’re family.
My Livelihood – If you make $35,000 a year, you are in the 1% of the wealthiest people in the world. I’m not negating the fact that there are problems, nor am I saying that $35,000 is a real livable wage. What I’m saying is that at the end of the day, I was born in a time where food and water and clothing and shelter and transportation and laughter and peace is all readily available. If you read even a little bit of history, you will quickly see that everyone before us had it tougher than us.
My Health – I can walk. I can see and hear. I have a strong heart and a good brain. I got both my hands, both my kidneys, no birth defects (except for maybe my big ears) and I sleep like a baby.
I remember when I was selling catheters, one of my regulars was a kid named Reggie who broke his back in a motor cross accident. I was 25 and so was he. He was paralyzed from the waist down. He had to stick a catheter up his penis every time he had to pee. He was my favorite client. Every month I would call him to refill his order and he always seemed so positive. If Reggie can be happy with a broken back, I can deal with some pain for a bit longer.
My Work – I love what I do. I love it. I love Sober Nation and I love working on Stodzy and I’m enjoying the challenge of building JourneyPure. I am so grateful I get to do work that I love every day. I’m really lucky.
I could keep going. I guess when we stop to think about it, we all have a long list of things that we should be grateful for. At the end of the day, I am alive and well.
This bulging disk is killing me. I only have 2 more weeks. I have watched every YouTube video I can find on microdiscectomys and everyone says over and over again that they have relief after the surgery.
When this is over and I’m all healed up, I’m going to thank God every morning when I roll out of bed with ease.
It’s the little things you know? We all have so much to be grateful for.