Why We Took Our Kids Out Of Daycare
Fu*k this system
Jules and I have decided to take the kiddos out of daycare. I have a lot of thoughts about this, and today, I want to share them with you.
If you have kids, I hope this may open up a conversation in your mind. If you don’t have kids, I hope you are introspective enough to ask yourself the same questions I am asking and formulate your own opinion.
LFG. 🔥
Some Thoughts About Family Dynamics
When you have kids, you learn quickly what is natural. Kids do what they do automatically, they don’t have a reason or a logic behind it. They are quite literally programed to act a certain way.
The most natural thing I have ever seen in my life is a young child wanting to be with his or her mother.
I am not a traditionalist. If you are a woman and you want to pursue your career, then go for it. Likewise, if you are a man and you want to be a stay at home dad, I fully support you.
I have no opinion or prejudice on how people want to live their lives. You do you.
With that said, every decision in life has tradeoffs.
I am fully convinced that kids need their moms in a different way than they need their dads. There’s nothing to argue with this statement. It’s as real as gravity.
I never thought I would feel this way, and I never thought I would be questioning family systems in the way I am. But these experiences change you.
Our society wants us to wake our kids up, force them out of bed, rush them through breakfast, force them to get dressed, and strip them away from their moms (while crying) to spend 7 hours a day in giant square building with fluorescent lights and eat fake food wrapped in plastic.
It makes zero sense.
I will save you the rant because I am not here to argue my point or convince anyone of anything. I am simply making the observation that the way we do things feels very artificial and unnatural.
With this information, we decided to take back control of our days and live more as a family unit. The kiddos need more time with their mom, more time together, and more time filled with exploration and experiences.
We will never get these days back. Neither will they.
The Stress Of Child Care
Of course, it is not only about what feels natural. It is also about the reality of what childcare actually looks like day to day.
We pay 3700 dollars a month for daycare. Every month when I pay this bill, I feel a bit of resentment and confusion.
How is it so expensive? How does anyone afford childcare? Jules and I are in a more fortunate position than most, and still our first thought is how are other people surviving?
The cost is the same as a full time salary. We pay 44,400 dollars a year for child care, and what do we really get out of it?
There are downsides. The childcare expense makes you second guess spending money on memories, like weekend camping trips or flights back to Philly and Massachusetts to visit family.
We ask ourselves if it is what is best for the kids. They are in a Montessori school, and I am grateful for the education. They know their letters and numbers and are learning Spanish. But everything is a trade off.
Every morning we rush them out the door, wake them up early, and force them to get dressed so they are not late. It feels wrong. They are so beautiful and perfect. Why am I interrupting their childhood to send them to a giant auditorium for seven hours?
I am also aware we are lucky to have the choice. Many families do not. That reality makes me empathetic, but also sad. How did we get to this point where society forces families to shove kids into cars first thing in the morning?
I was in daycare as a baby. My mom was an ER nurse in North Philly and my dad threw suitcases in the bottom of planes at the Philly airport. My dad eventually became a paramedic. I don’t think they had a choice other than to put me and my sister in daycare.
But even for us, childcare was affordable.
This is not sustainable and we are destroying the relationship between kids and parents because parents are forced to work overtime and sacrifice the most important years of their kids development.
It’s insane.
The Choices We Make With Our Money
Beyond the emotional side, there is the financial weight.
Choosing childcare affects every aspect of our lives and even my business. It is money not going into savings, the stock market, or our “oh shit fund.” It is money not paying down the principle on our Denver house so we can turn it into a rental. It is money not spent on travel and relaxation.
More than the financial side, it creates a constant urgency. You feel like you must maximize every hour while the kids are in school. That is insane, because the life I want is not rushed, not stressed, not pressured.
Recently we have been feeling that pressure, and there is no reason for it.
Why are we following rules that do not even exist?
We can do whatever we want. What we want is a simple life, filled with ease, joy, and glory. Why make it harder by participating in a system we do not even like?
At the end of the day, it comes down to whether we want to live by rules set by others or create our own. And for us, the answer is clear.
Phew. Felt good to write this. Hope it resonates with you.
Love you guys. Have a great weekend.
Tim
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We took it a step further and homeschooled our 3 kids right out of the gate. Yes, I know, we got all the side eyes or the "how do you even have time to do that?" comments whenever we told people that we were homeschooling our kids. But now we have 2 well-adjusted kids in college (BS Computer Science majors) and 1 finishing up high school with dual enrollment through the community college, planning to go into accounting or finance. The biggest thing I see now is that they are all a real pleasure to be around. When most parents are glad to finally have their kids leave the house after high school - we still have a great relationship with our kids. And there are so many more benefits than I can list here, mostly along the lines of what you (Tim) said in your article about having more family time and not living around a school schedule. One thing I would take issue with the article though, is the role dads play, especially if you have daughters. I have 2 girls, 1 boy, and I would say girls need their dad growing up -- maybe even more than their mom. The problem is that most dads don't realize what a difference they can make in their kids' lives by just spending some time with them.
Tim,
I couldn't agree with you more. Spend all the time you can with your kids. Time passes so quickly. Parenting is the greatest thing in the world!! God Bless you and your Family.