How To Get People To Like You

Yes, it matters if people like you or not.

Gurus and influencers peddle and promote an incredibly stupid idea.

The idea is as follows.

“You shouldn’t care what other people think about you.”

Telling young people that “they shouldn’t care what people think about them” is harmful, dumb, and also impractical.

You should absolutely care what people think about you. In fact, you should work hard to become the kind of person that people like and want to be around.

This morning, I will explain the importance of being liked in a community, and I will teach you how to go about getting people to like you.

Why Is It Important For People To Like You?

Human beings are the way we are because evolution. Our evolution serves one purpose, it increases our probability of survival in the natural environment.

For the vast majority of civilization, the #1 predictor of survival in a tribe was status. If the tribe liked you, they would agree to keep you safe.

They would allow you in the cave during the winter, they would move over to give you space around the warm fire, and they would look after you. In addition, they would look after your children and help you raise them.

Your survival depends on getting people to like you.

The System Got Hijacked

Recently, there has been a counter balance to this reality. Influencers and gurus are leveraging the idea that you shouldn’t care what people think about you, because it serves their agenda. Instead, they claim that you should “follow your passion and do what you’re heart tells you to do.”

While I would never tell you to live your life based on other people’s expectations of you, I would also like you to recognize that these ideas are marketing tactics. People use these ideas to make you believe you’re doing something wrong.

This notion of being a contrarian is a marketing ploy. It’s a ruse that tricks you into thinking that you’re better off on your own.

It’s a very effective way to generate likes and clicks, but it’s incredibly stupid advice to listen to and believe in.

A Better Way

In today’s world, you must balance the urge to be an individual while also acknowledging that human beings are and always will be tribal. The “brilliant individualist” hardly ever succeeds.

No one succeedes by themselves.

You are much better off acknowledging the reality of the world and the social dynamics that we live in. You will increase your probability of success by 100X if you ditch this stupid idea that it doesn’t matter what people think about you.

Getting people TO WANT to work with you, is the game of business building and entrepreneurship.

Now that I have completed my long winded rant, let’s talk about some specific ways to make your personality more likable and to get people to want to be around you.

Tip #1 – Make People Feel Important

The book “How To Win Friends and Influence People” is one of the most referred to self help books of the 20th century.

image source: buy this book on amazon

What I find fascinating about this book is that so many people peddle it, but hardly anyone applies the lessons to their own lives.

If you can make people feel important, they will bring you into their inner circles and they will welcome you into their tribe with open arms.

Okay, that sounds great, but how exactly do you do that?

1. Show genuine interest in others

Be genuinely interested in other people. Remember their names, ask about their interests, and actively listen to what they have to say.

You don’t have to agree with everyone, but you do have to acknowledge and appreciate that their viewpoints are valid and come from a place of meaningful personal experience.

2. Give sincere compliments

Everyone has a skill and a strength that is worthy of a compliment. A sincere compliment can go a long way in making someone feel recognized and valued.

Make sure your praise is specific and heartfelt.

One trick I use over and over again is to simply congratulate people on their accomplishments.

3. Encourage people to talk about themselves

What’s everyone’s favorite subject? Themselves.

Open-ended questions are a great way to give people the space and permission to talk about themselves, their interests, and their passions. This not only makes them feel important but also helps you learn more about them.

I fully encourage you to read this book. As someone who works in sales every day, it’s been one of the top three most helpful and useful books I’ve ever read.

Tip #2 – Embrace Warmth And Competence

I’ve been a leader my entire life. That statement probably comes across as cocky, but I don’t mean it to be.

I’ve always wondered what it is about my personality that naturally propels me to leadership situations. I don’t think of myself as a natural leader.

Here’s the truth …

• I don’t speak that well in front of others. I get very nervous and oftentimes get wordy or even stumble over my words.

• I’m not very patient, especially with other people.

• I’m easily frustrated, especially when people don’t listen.

• I have zero credentials to my name. No degree, no certifications, and no titles.

However, I’ve learned that there is a reason I’ve been able to excel in leadership positions. This is something you can easily apply to your own life as well.

Warmth And Competence

It’s very simple.

If you want people to follow you, you need to display a combination of two character traits.

Warmth and competence.

Warmth

Warmth means encouraging people and allowing them to believe in themselves. In means empowering them, listening to them, and making them FEEL as though they have something to offer the world.

Warmth is not the same as politeness. You don’t have to be polite to listen to someone’s ideas and take genuine interest in their well being.

Competence

You have to be good at what you do. You have to be able to deliver results and do so in a way that can be replicated. Warmth will not help you if you have no value in the market place.

Competence shows people that you’re not a phony.

A successful combination of both.

You need to balance these two personality traits, because one without the other will lead you in different directions.

Warmth without competence will make you a pushover. Warmth without competence will make you “a really nice person”, but no one will want to sign on board to what it is you’re offering.

In the opposite respect, competence without warmth will turn you into a lone wolf. If you’re cold but competent, no one will want to work with you. In fact, they will probably avoid you, because this character dynamic is what people refer to as cocky or arrogant.

Tip # 3 – Do What You Say You Will Do

Have you ever wondered why people gossip?

It’s petty but captivating.

We all do it and we don’t know why.

I’m sure you have caught yourself gossiping about someone before and thought to yourself “why am I doing this?”

There are two reasons why people gossip.

First, it bonds social groups together: My favorite way to understand culture is through the phrase “people like us do things like this.” When you gossip, you reinforce what that means to be a person like us who does things like this.

Second, it prunes the liars and selfish people out from the tribe: If you care about yourself more than you care about the tribe, you could bring the entire tribe down. Gossip serves as a mechanism to constantly probe at the social dynamics of a tribe, and kill the parasites before they take over the host.

Now that you understand how the tribe prunes itself, you should also understand why its so important to be dependable.

People talk to each other more than you realize, and your reputation really does proceed you.

When you give someone your word, they build their future around what it is they think they can expect from you.

For instance, if you book an appointment with a plumber, and the plumber says he will be there at 2, you will build your day around that appointment. When the plumber doesn’t show up on time, it’s infuriating because you built your future around the notion that you could depend on the plumber to show up when he said he would.

And what’s the first thing you do?

You call your friend and you tell them never to use the plumbing company.

You leave a negative review.

You stew and brood over it for hours.

It doesn’t take much for people to stop respecting you, because when you go against the commitments you made, you waste people’s time. Subsequently, when you waste people’s time, you are degrading their status.

And status is king.

People do give praise as well, and they will praise you.

When you do what you say you will do, people latch onto it. They do it because they know when they work with you, you will respect their time which is a proxy for respecting their status.

They can build their future around a dependable variable.

This is why people cling so hard to what they know and why we stick with the same group of people we have always worked with, even when better options might be out there.

It’s not about efficiency, it’s about expectation.

When people know what they can expect from you, they will work with you for years or maybe even a lifetime. They will recommend you to their friends and colleagues. They will bring you future opportunities, and they will embrace you into their tribe.

This is how you climb status ladders.

You don’t do it by playing games or by being manipulative. If you try to be manipulative, it might work for a little while. But eventually, gossip will rid you from the system.

You climb status ladders by being dependable. High status people love dependability, because they know they can trust their status with you.

Be dependable, and you will skyrocket your way up the status ladder and you will constantly be introduced to more powerful people with more influence and more money to spend.

In Conclusion

You’re not special.

You’re not some brilliant isolated genius that can move mountains without the help of other people. You NEED people to like you. You NEED people to help you in your mission, because no one can do it themselves.

Likability is a social lubricant. It gives you the freedom to move in and out of different social circles, because the different circles (or tribes) have already given you access through gossip and dependability.

This is the game. It’s an imperfect game, but it is a game worth playing.

Play it with integrity and honesty, and you will have a super power that will serve you and help you build your wealth for the rest of your life.

---

Want To Work With Me? Here Are 3 Ways I Can Help You

1. Learn how to create multiple streams of income: You’ll get V.I.P. access to my business, research, and analysis. My membership will teach you how to create multiple streams of income. (Price goes up on 9/1)

2. Join my coaching program: I’ll help you grow your business by helping you define your target customer, create compelling products and services, generate more sales, and create systems that do the hard work for you. For serious entrepreneurs only.

3. Want me to do your marketing for you? Fill out this form to see if you’re a good fit for my high level SEO / advertising service. Minimum cost is $5000 a month.