How A Girl Named April Gave Me A Lesson That Changed My Life (And Hopefully Can Change Yours)

The only thing you need to know if you want to live a good life.

I received a lovely email from one of my readers yesterday. It made me feel great and I want to share it with you.

Today, let’s talk about the power of persistence. LFG 🔥

This Too Shall Pass

When I got sober, one of the lessons I was taught (more like indoctrinated) was the phrase “this too shall pass.” It’s a simple phrase that has brought me a lot of comfort over the years. No matter what’s going on in my life, it’s important to remember that it won’t last forever. The bad times and the good times will all eventually fade into memory.

The last year was one of the more difficult times in my life, and it warmed my heart to be recognized by one of my readers.

I’ve been writing and publishing every day long before anyone was reading my work. It’s always been helpful to put my thoughts and ideas on the blank page.

Someone once told me that when you share your pain with another person, it cuts the power of it in half.

So believe me, a beautiful message like this isn’t lost on me. I can’t tell you how much it inspires me to know that people really read what I write, can relate to me, and that I am hopefully helping others.

The truth is, you all are helping me more than you know.

The Power Of Persistence

My parents taught me the value of hard work. I know with absolute certainty that over a long enough timeline, I can outlast anyone. The way my parents worked to raise my sister and me still astounds me. Now that I have two kids of my own, I have no idea how they did it.

But aside from my parents, there was another critical moment in my life that taught me how to keep going even when I wanted to curl up and hide.

In 2009, I spent four months in a halfway house. It was the longest I ever stayed sober. No liquor, no dope, no coke, no Adderall and no smoking blunts. I was committed to sobriety and for the first time in my life, I had a bit of self esteem in the person I was becoming.

In February of 2010, I came back to Philly and got stuck in a terrible snowstorm. It didn’t take long for my defenses to break down, and I relapsed. Within two days, I found myself in worse places than ever before. It happened so fast. In a matter of seconds, my life spun out of control. I remember sitting in the back seat of a friend’s car (probably wasn’t really a friend) driving down Germantown Avenue, feeling like I had never left, like the previous four months of sobriety never even happened.

It was very scary.

Thanks to my cousin, I somehow got back to Florida and managed to talk my way into staying in an apartment with a kid named Turtle. I didn’t have any money, but I swore on my life that I would find a job, pay rent, and be a good roommate.

He took a chance on me. The next year was the hardest I ever worked in my life.

I found a job at a call center, dialing 140 cold calls a day trying to convince people to buy diabetic strips. I would show up to work dripping in sweat from walking down Congress Ave in the Florida sun.

I carried peanut butter, jelly, and a loaf of bread with me everywhere. It’s all I could afford to eat.

I stole two button-down shirts from Target. Eventually, one of my coworkers noticed I wore the same two shirts over and over again and gave me a few of his.

I started making sales. I gave all my money to Turtle. One day I bought an iron and started ironing my shirts. After that, I was able to buy a pair of dress shoes so I wasn’t wearing black chucks with holes in the soles to work.

I would buy books from Target and read every night to stay out of trouble.

Life started getting better. Slowly but consistently.

After about a year, I bought a laptop from a pawn shop for 200 dollars. That’s when I discovered Copyblogger and started writing online. I started Sober Nation, and my entire life changed.

During this time, I was blessed by some kind of divine power. I met a girl named April who lived in my complex. By coincidence, we would both work out at the tennis courts at night. I used to bring Dawkins, my Pitbull and best friend, to the courts and do pushups and pullups.

I have very fond memories of this time. I can still smell the warm South Florida air, and I can picture Dawkins running sitting in the corner of the courts, while I would exercise.

April and I didn’t date or anything, but she was very kind to me. One day she came to the courts with a piece of paper that had a quote on it. She said “this reminds me of you.”

The quote read as follows:

The slogan “press on” gave me the direction I needed. When in doubt, simply press on, and everything else will come together.

I would read the quote every morning. Day by day, I pressed on.

When I tell people I’ve been sober for 15 years, they all say “wow that’s amazing. Congrats.”

I never know how to respond to that. It’s not like set out to be sober as some achievement. I decided that I actually wanted to live. All I did was listen to the men around me who were helping me, and continue to show up day after day.

15 years later, here I am.

Simple But Not Easy

I think people overcomplicate things. We want answers and we want certainty, and so we create stories in our heads that help us deal with uncertainty we feel. The truth is, none of us know what’s best for us. In most cases, the best thing to do is to throw your plans out the window and surrender to the fact that you are not in control.

It’s not an easy thing to do.

Looking back, I think all the uncertainty I faced in childhood and young adulthood gave me some kind of advantage. I feel more comfortable in uncertainty than in ease.

It’s easy for me to stay calm under pressure and to keep showing up. I can keep doing the work even when the results aren’t there.

It’s always been simple for me. You just keep showing up. Do a little bit each day. Don’t think about the outcome. Trust the process.

If you can handle uncertainty and ignore the voices in your head, there’s really nothing that can stop you. You never actually fail because the only way to fail is to quit.

The purpose of the game isn’t to win. It’s to keep playing.

So press on. That’s all you need to do.

Love you guys. Talk to you tomorrow.

Tim

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